Tuesday, September 1, 2015


I'm slowly turning into Bridethulhu as time goes on, because like I've mentioned before... I keep getting ridiculous requests or I'm told basically that my ideas are great, but they completely infringe on whatever said person is doing or is able to do. I stopped asking for help, but a few kind people have selflessly offered to give us a hand. I do mean selflessly - these are people who were invited, but aren't in the wedding party and are not family expecting anything in return. I gotta figure out a way to repay these people!
The past few days have brought a number of small requests and changes that I've not handled too well, and more than one rant has come from those feelings of being overwhelmed. I haven't taken care of myself, so how am I supposed to take care of the needs of others. I've gone out of my way to help people, and now I'm missing a few key things I need for the wedding as a bride. Okay, no KEY things, but things that matter to me. I haven't even thought about getting something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. Well...I'm Blue. Does that count?
I finally announced that there will be no more changes - none!! It's the week of the wedding, and if you have a problem.. yo, I will NOT solve it, kick up the beat, or revolve it. I have entirely too much to do and too many people to deal with that are helping out to deal with people and their problems or the fact that one or all of my plans have inconvenienced them. Most of the people who are "inconvenienced" by any of my plans or ideas are people who put their self in that situation, not people who were asked to do anything.

My mom and I went to Costco for wedding planning reasons yesterday as well... We removed the pasta salad (ain't nobody got time for dat!) and she wanted to remove the cocktail sausages, but I'm going to keep searching for a sale... I just need like 400 of them LoL!!
So... finger sandwiches, chips, pickles, cocktail wienies, cheese plate, veggies, dip, fruit, lemonade, tea, wine, beer, and terrible dancing. Sounds fine.
I have this fear that we're going to run out! We invited 150, and got 79 RSVPs back. We're catering for 100. We have cake for 120, and the sandwiches serve 96-120. I think we're good. I know some people who are definitely not coming and some who are definitely coming that did not send an RSVP back. I just want to make sure we don't run out of anything.
I fully hope and expect to run out of wine and beer.
I need to learn to trust people...that's my issue. I feel like I need to have a hand in everything, and I have so far. That day though, I need to let go. I need to let others do things for me, and I need to enjoy the evening. After all, I'm marrying this amazing man Friday and we're leaving on a cruise to a beautiful place afterwards - how awesome is that!?

Monday, August 31, 2015

Rough Draft

This is the rough draft Tara is working on for the guest book.
The balloons will be fingerprints.
Yeah...I know it's cool ;)

Just Breathe...

I'm sure after all of this is over I will be typing out something called "What I learned while planning my own wedding..." I went full bridezilla over the weekend, but I blame half my frustration on my TOM and the other half on people. People with their general questions that aren't helpful, and that I don't have time for. I'm in this mood where every need coming from another person is met with, "how dare you ask me for a favor on this, the week of my wedding!!" I want to point out though that I've been getting a number of tacky, ridiculous requests, and even more ear fulls from people who are seemingly inconvenienced by my wedding planning. When I say they're inconvenienced, I mean they've offered to help me with something and followed that with how completely inconvenient it is for them and all the things they're having to do to remedy the situation. I'm like..look... I didn't ask you for help, and honestly I empathize with your situation, but these complaints, these issues you're having, and these stories that borderline on guilt trips for me are not helping me at all. Please, if it's that inconvenient for you to give me the help that I didn't ask for in the first place, just stay home and I'll see you at the wedding. I don't want to be mean or sound nasty, but it's not helpful to have someone around who's always complaining about their issues or their problems when you're trying to accomplish a lot of very important things in a very short amount of time. I love everyone so much, and I appreciate the offers, but only one person had been helpful through this and I mean truly selfless and helpful. Only one person has offered a hand without talking about how they've had to rearrange their entire world to simply help me complete an errand, and trust me... she's been through a whole heck of a lot more than anyone else I know this year and she worked through it, even when I told her to take time for herself. I'm getting to the point of simply pushing people away from me so I can take care of business, because having anyone other than Richard around has been miserable. Tara has been the only person to end a sentence with, "no problem man, I'm here to keep your spirits up". That meant so much to me, and I hope I can return the favor.
Like I told Richard, the only people who have taken time out of their day, done something for us, and did not complain afterward were my co-workers and Tara. There's a problem when your friends or family get together to celebrate you, but you leave angry, upset, or crying because someone did or said something, or that you feel like crap because you feel in the way and like you've inconvenienced a whole bunch of people. I have a bachelorette party coming up this week, and I'm dreading it a little which was immediately apparent to a couple of people. On the bright side, I have a couple of folks attending to make sure all is well, and that we party on! LIVE THE NIGHT!
I get that people ARE indeed REALLY inconvenienced by some of the wedding stuff, but most of it can be avoided if they simply do not put theirselves in that situation in the first place. I'm not asking these folks for anything - just be there. (or be square)
Richard's friends have some questionable things planned for him...
I'm curious to see where that goes...
I just said, "don't let anything happen to your face!"

Thursday, August 27, 2015


I bet everyone will be happy when this countdown is over, and the wedding has passed. I don't know what I'll do with myself.. Okay, so I have plans, but they'll have to wait at least 8 more days, plus another 10 for our honeymoon.
Today we went to the courthouse to pick up our marriage license - that was very exciting! I think that little errand made things very real. We actually went to the courthouse 3 times today, and to the Social Security office. Apparently I've been walking around with the wrong last name for 4 years, since Social Security never changed my name when I mailed my paperwork in. My driver's license was right, and I thought they wouldn't allow it to have the correct name if it didn't match up with my Social Security number, but it's definitely correct now! When the Social Security office told me what was in the system, I was like.. "no...that was my slave name". I also told them that'd I see them again in two weeks to change it again since we're getting married, and I'll need yet another name change.


Tuesday, August 25, 2015

10 Days

It's now 10 days until the wedding and Wow..
I feel like there is sooooo much to do... let's see...
The cakes (payment)
Alterations (payment = Wednesday)
Order rings (whoops..)
Catering Insurance (send to venue)
Get Marriage certificate (Monday)
Pick up linens (Thursday)
Submit official food order (week of)
Pick up Booze
Finalize Vows and Script
DiY projects (ugh!)
List for Photographer
Gather paperwork for cruise
Pack for cruise
Hotel room night of wedding?
Get the oil changed in my car (again, ugh!)
Flower girl basket
Toasting Flutes
Cake cutting set
Guest Book
So most of what's left are things we need to do that week. I had my hair and make-up test run done this past Saturday, and it was GREAT! Absolutely perfect! We also have a plan for getting to our cruise, and it's not going to cost us as much as we thought, and my dress alterations are also less than we thought, so yay! I keep thinking that I'm forgetting something, but I really don't think so. We'll have lots of help, and I think I'll pack an emergency wedding kit for both Richard and I in case there is an issue with something - DiY can mean, "Oops! This fell apart!"
Looks like the only thing that I neglected to budget for is new honeymoon clothes, but who cares?! I got a new bathing suit top, and really that's all that matters and all I need (as long as I can buy bottoms as well) I decided my honeymoon would be the day I stop caring, and start wearing a two piece - plus I'll be hundreds of miles from anyone who knows me sooooooo....
My budget wasn't perfect, and I did waste a little money along the way on some things, but that's no big deal. I almost had a slight panic attack the other day due to not having enough money, but had forgot that we have roughly $700 in uncashed checks laying around at home for these final purchases (food, booze, accessories, ect..)
Really, I'm stressing more about our puppy issues than the wedding. He has torn a HUGE piece of the floor out, and loves to continue making the hole bigger and bigger. We finally ended up getting a crate for him to stay in while we are away or sleep - it sucks, and I'm sure I'd get a lot of flack from those people who are hardcore dog trainers, but I can't just let him destroy everything and we have to teach him it's not okay. We're not treating the crate as a time-out or like it's punishment, and we're treating him as if it's a positive thing, so we're hoping he starts to see that we're happy and will be encouraged to continue going in without much fuss. He cries initially for about a half hour after being put in there, but stops soon after. We take him on long walks during the week since he is in there so long, and he gets extra attention and exercise on the weekend to stay healthy. He can stand, turn, and lay down
. It's a travel crate, so it's not huge, but we also are using it for potty training - he won't use the bathroom in there since it's his bed. Hopefully he'll break his bad habits soon, but I'm a little worried about going away since I think he has separation anxiety. We'll see how it goes!

Thursday, August 20, 2015

USA Women vs Costa Rica @ Chattanooga, TN

USA and Costa Rica taking the field....I mean the "pitch".
Hope Solo barely even had to defend her target due to the USA's amazing defense
Of course, the Chattahooligans were there. The team later said we had to best, and craziest fans!

...and then it rains. It rained ALOT! But the game continued after a delay

This was a good game, but the USA DOMINATED! Our ladies said that Chattanooga had amazing fans, and they loved how we never stopped cheering and chanting even after an hour and 20 minute rain delay (the sold out crowd barely dwindled). Hey, we were there to support our USA women on their victory tour, so the rain wasn't going to stop us!
This was a great experience, but I'd love to see the USA women play Germany in person - yes, even though my favorite German player has retired (Nadine Angerer )
So, when will our US men have their victory tour?
Maybe next year, guys ;) 

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Haters Gonna Hate

I'm not normally one to say things like, "haters gonna hate". I've never said that phrase in a way that was not in a joking manner, but I think it may be appropriate on some occasions, like when someone passes judgement on you with no just cause. I had an incident last week when a family member made several (on-going) comments that simply were not true. In fact, some of the things that she said were flat out lies that came out of no where, for no apparent reason. There was a point that she said someone told her some info, but she had never spoken to that person. This family member is known for lying and stirring the pot, but this was a new low - maybe because I'm the one involved this time. She is a hater as some would say, and haters gonna hate. Saying that releases the anxiety of worrying about the statements and judgements made by that person, and allows me to carry on - only issue is, it still hurts. It hurts because someone went out of their way to speak badly of me, and as much as I wanna make a scene, or say something back.. that's not me.
There are times I want to say something very loudly, and embarrass whoever is hurting me, but what would that help? Most of the time when these things happen, I could easily stand up and make the other person look very stupid, but in this case especially when it's an elder, I choose to walk away. I think making a big scene about things only makes things worse, and draws even more unwanted attention to the situation, so why do it?
There was another incident this past weekend. I was hanging out with a mix of friends, and my older friends noticed another, newer friend being very "touchy" when speaking to Richard. She has no intentions, her long term boyfriend is very close by, and she's like that with everyone regardless of gender. It never bothered me before, but it did then. Why? Because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed, because I had no way of explaining this person to my friends in a way that they would believe me. because of the old fashion assumptions that people of different genders can't have conversations without some sort of intention. I tried to shrug it off, and ignore my friends but it wasn't working. They then began to take action, and became louder. I think also her boyfriend overheard them, because both Richard and I noticed a change in his demeanor later in the evening. No one was previously having an issue, there was no reason to worry, no concern to be had - we were all just enjoying ourselves at a party. There are other friends that my older friends would simply be repulsed by if conversational brushes or touches worry them so much. From an outsider, our conversations with those touchy friends can make a conversation about popcorn butter, or superheroes look like a flirty encounter to a less affectionate outsider. Anyway, as my old friends started talking more and more, and saying things like, "go claim your man!" I started to become angry, but not at them, I was getting angry at Richard and my newer friend. They were sitting near each other, not talking. In fact, Richard was trying to read the script for our vows as they were yelling and interrupting him.
What did I do? Well, nothing, but I was about to go over and make a point, and make myself known for no other reason than to please my friends. It caused a ridiculously long, pointless conversation later in the evening when we were alone, and it was visible that it also caused a silly problem the girl and her boyfriend. Why? Because despite us all knowing each other and the way we all are, and how we speak to each other, we let folks who had no idea about any of us or how we interact dictate our actions and judgements. Haters gonna hate? I wouldn't call those people haters, but I should have stood up more for what I knew to be true. I felt pressured and overwhelmed by the herd I think, and it caused me to forget some things along the way. Standing up for myself, him, and our friends would have stopped all of the hurt feelings, exploding non-issues, and long conversations about nothing later on in the evening. There were tears, because I was trying to tell him I was upset and hurt, but I could articulate why, because the "problem" didn't truly exist, it was all the pressure around me to create and acknowledge the phantom issue. Does that make sense? It's like when you have convinced yourself of one thing, and you allow someone to convince you it's not true without any evidence - which now that I think about it that way, I feel even more stupid.
As the wedding get closer, my skin gets thinner. Things I'm confident about go out of the window, and things I thought were easy have become difficult. I'm having weird dreams, and I'm overly paranoid about a lot of things. I'm glad everyone is putting up with me, but I have no clue how. Writing helps, because I can talk myself down and understand what just happened. I knew right after the last incident was over with that I made a mistake, and let myself become influenced, but sometimes I need to talk about it anyway so maybe I can figure out how to handle it in my own way next time instead of letting it get out of hand...