Monday, December 12, 2016

Visitation: 39 Weeks Pregnant

So this is the last week!
I'm being induced on Thursday (If I make it that long)
Everything is ready at home..
I guess I'm ready too?
Is anyone truly read though?
I'd love to think about all these things in detail, and spend time working on myself, mentally preparing for the aspect of motherhood, but I can't. I can't, because I have to worry about everyone else. Without going into too much detail, there's already a mess with our visiting "rules" while in the hospital. It's the wedding all over again - we make a few simple requests, and others take offense to those requests for no other reason than that they are selfishly looking out for what they want, and in this case it's wanting to see the baby. Babies are exciting, and new babies are just wonderful to take pics of, take selfies with, and post about on social media. It's a brand new person, with tiny clothes that are adorable, and weird little noises that melt your heart - I get that. What I need people to get though is that I am a first time mom, and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm scared. Scared of labor, scared of the pains, scared of the gore, scared of how my body will react during and after, scared of this new baby I'll be responsible for, scared of literally everything! It's brand new, and dammit.. I need a moment to myself after doing this enormous life changing thing, and I would hope and expect people to understand that... but noooooooooooo. I'm 4 days away, and there's already drama and misunderstandings. I don't think our rules are unreasonable...
#1.  The only people allowed in the room during the birth are the doctors, my husband, and my mom if she decides to stay in there (it's undecided).
#2. No visitors until the day after he is born to give us both a chance to settle after this major life event.
#3. No minors (this is a hospital rule, not one we came up with originally)
#4. If you're sick, stay home. (for obvious reasons)
#5. Don't bring your kids if they are sick or just getting over something.
#6. Call before you come by.
#7. Come at the time you say you're going to come.
#8. Don't stay all day long (unless otherwise noted lol!)
#9. Don't expect me to wear real pants or entertain you.
#10. Control your children if they visit - as in, keep the rough housing, screaming, and playing to a minimum around the new fragile baby that's likely sleeping.
#11. Follow my sign, and come in without knocking or ringing the door bell (it keeps the dogs quiet if they are inside.) This is also why I prefer you plan ahead to visit.
#12. Please understand that Richard has to go back to work immediately, and doesn't get paternity leave - he's more important than you. If he needs something or wants time alone with his son, then that's just the way it is.
#13. Most of these rules don't apply to grandparents.
I think this is implied as well, but we also don't need people there while I'm laboring to hang out or talk to. Every one is different, I don't want company while I'm sick or in pain. I don't want to be bothered or discuss world affairs. I don't want people awkwardly on their phones or tablets, while I'm reasoning with my lady parts to shoot forth this love goblin. I don't want people discussing the National Championship while I'm laying there in agonizing pain. I don't want people laughing and cutting up, or make witty banter about child birth as I'm going through it. What I need is my husband, and his support and my mom, and her knowledge. Other than that, everyone can just hang back while we do the work.
I don't think any of this is unreasonable..
Then again, I don't care.
If I can be selfish at any point in life, it's this moment.
I don't get another selfish moment to enjoy after having a baby!
So what if people are pissed off?

Like my mom says...
better to be pissed off, than pissed on.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Already Fed Up!

I guess comments and advice are normal during pregnany. I've asked my friends for advice, and they've been very helpful. Sometimes though, people are rude or overly invasive. Better yet, they find out you're pregnant and follow up with all of these horror stories, or feel the need to start listing all the things that you will no longer be able to do, because somehow they know your life. Or folks have you advice, people you don't know, that don't know you... That's been fun.
Before my first appointment, I was looking at cribs casually in Target. This was maybe a week after I found out that we were expecting, so I wasn't showing and could have been very well looking for a gift for a friend. A lady approached and just started talking. "Oh you won't need that, the baby will be in your bed breastfeeding most of the time, so co-sleeping if your best option. In fact, they'll rarely be in their room for several month since they breast feed so often and the baby will be with you while hubby is at work" I smile, knodded, and carried on shopping while also hiding from any further interaction with this COMPLETE STRANGER!
I guess people mean well, but strangers are the worst - not much of what she was saying will be anything that will work for our family anyway, but obviously it doesn't matter. I think a lot of people feel that there is one way, and only one way when it comes to dealing with a baby, because that is what worked for them.
Today, I posted a pic of a cost effective way of making my own baby food. Actually, I posted it on Pinterest and for some reason it popped up on my Facebook. I got 20 comments about how I'll probably not have time, should just skip the puree stage all together, things about how their kids aren't sleeping through the night, breastfeeding, clean up, the baby food stage, it's length... I wanted to scream. IT'S JUST A PIC OF A BOWL OF POTATOES!!! I think there is a bit of a disconnect with what they feel is good for them, and thinking it's going to be good for me - the disconnect comes from that they are both stay at home parents, while I will not be. Keeping the boob buffet open all night while co-sleeping isn't something that's going to work for me, and pre-preparing baby food will make things easier for my mom when she's watching the baby. Furthermore, I have no intension of still breast feeding, even to aid sleep, when my child is 3+ years old like my friend. I'm not saying that's wrong, but again... it's not something I'm interested in, nor is it something that's going to be good for the family. I could go on and on...
Oh! And questions I'm tired of answering?
"Were you trying to get pregnant?"
"How much weight have you gained?"
"Are you going natural or no?"
"Are you going to breast feed, breast is best!"
Comments I'm tired of hearing?
"You shouldn't be eating that.."
"I could tell you were pregnant before you said anything, because you looked so bloated" (or anything else about weight)

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Revisiting the Whole 30

Let's be real...
I am obese according to my BMI.
I'm also pregnant, which will add to my weight.
Up until recently, MANY things have made me throw up due to "morning" sickness. As a result, I've been eating random things that I know that I can keep down. Potatoes, pasta, salty stuff, bread, and anything else that would not result in a trip to the restroom. I have complete aversions to sweets and dairy due to heartburn and sour stomach issues. I LOVE popsicles and snow cones, but the sugar gives me heart burn. I really need to be dieting, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do so until now since my stomach has started to calm.
I gave up caffeine for a good while, and then went right back into drinking it, because work was getting hectic and my pregnancy was making me extremely fatigued. I'm still fatigued, but I think I can throw away the caffeine - at least I'd save money by doing so. So there goes caffeine, dairy, and sugar out of the window due to pregnancy alone.
Hey! That's starting to sound like the Whole 30!
Eating packs of ramen noodles and salty potatoes is not giving my baby what he or she needs (excited to find out the gender next week!) I love mac and cheese, but geez! It certainly isn't the best, most nutritious meal by any stretch of the imagination. On top of that, last time I did the Whole 30 - I FELT GREAT!! I had energy, I slept well, my skin felt better, and I started to lose my cravings for anything bad. It takes about a week to get to that point, but it's totally worth it! I even managed to make it through Thanksgiving while making wonderful Whole 30 recipes.
"but Misty, you shouldn't diet while pregnant. It's not good for the baby!"

You know what's not good for the baby? Eating everything you see, loading up with sugar, loading up with artificial foods, and never glancing at calories. You're not eating for two. You actually only need about 300 more calories for the little one. Furthermore, I'm already overweight and should not gain much weight during my pregnancy. I should gain around 15 pounds, and I'm at around 4 lbs gained now. I need to make sure things don't get out of hand. Plus, the Whole 30 is VERY nutrient dense and that is perfect for growing a tiny person - they need all they can get.
I'd like to brag too - my friend Alex had been doing it for several months now, and she looks incredible. She's doing things outside now, and enjoying her life in ways I have not seen before. Here is a before and during down below of her progress.
That's her in the pink last Summer
This is her a few days ago - beautiful in both pics for sure!
 She is definitely an inspiration!!
Of course, I just want to do it for health right now. I want to provide my baby with a good environment to grow in, and I want to get these healthy habits going before he or she arrives. Whole 30 really isn't that hard, and it's not expensive like some think.
A banana (0.59 a pound) with almond butter ($6, but last forever!) for breakfast. A salad for lunch (lettuce $1 a head, tomatoes $5 for 6 big ones, Avocadoes $6 for 8, Onions $3 for 10 lbs). Dinner would be a choice of meat (prices vary) and sweet potato ($7 for 20 lbs at Costco) or fresh green beans (4 pounds for $3 at Costco). Throw in some fruit or nuts here and there, or some Lara bars (those can be pricy they're last resorts for me!) and you're set.  
I added $20 for a week's worth of meat (5 for $20 at Food City) and $6 for a large can of roasted almonds and with rounding up I got a total of $60 for a week of 3 meals a day, plus snacks. Of course, you're not going to eat 10 lbs of onions or 20 lbs of sweet potatoes - those will last MUCH longer! So that's around $3 a meal, 3 times a day (if you eat 3 times a day that is - I don't)
It CAN be expensive, but as you see... it doesn't have to be. Those prices aren't accounting for taking leftovers for lunch either, which would certainly happen!
So I'm going to start this on the 15th I think. That'll be the day after a birthday party, so I can have one last horrah. LOL!
I may have cheats or whoopsies...
I may have pregnancy related needs to be met...
but I'll try my best <3

Monday, June 27, 2016

The Drugs We Don't Teach Our Kids About

The first time I was offered a diet pill, I was 13 if I remember correctly. Ephedra was still sold over the counter, and "dietary supplements" like Metabolife and Stackers were all the rage. People rushed  to the doc in the box to get prescriptions for Phenfen, and many were losing tons of weight (and their lives, but hey! At least they looked great.)
Drink this, take that, sprinkle this on your food, pop this pill, and inject this hormone. Everyone has the magic cure for weight loss! The big news flash however is that there is no answer. At least, the answer isn't bottled and sold - it's more than that, but since many of us choose to self-medicate our other issues, why would weight loss be any different? Besides, if we can somehow self-medicate, find these magic cures for our various ailments, then maybe we can overcome being slaves to "big pharma" (insert scary music). Everyone knows companies that push dietary supplements are SUPER honest and are in it for health and not the money. No, they've never paid millions to assure certain ingredients are kept legal in the states so they may continue to sell their current formulas. They've never swept aside allegations or used shady sales tactics to rope in customers. They've never body-shamed anyone to guilt them into purchasing their latest product (By the way, are you Beach Body ready?) Oh! And they've never brought in several BILLIONS of dollars every year, and counted said money with one thought in their head, "suckers..." - that's ridiculous.

Weight loss products may be the only supplement on the market that is cheering you on to fail. How else would they continue to make money? They want you to try it, they want to assure you know if you don't try it for x-amount of time, then you have no chance so keep emptying your pockets! They want to see you have that little bit of success to keep you going, and watch as you fail and gain that weight back so they can assist you in rebooting your diet all over again. Besides, it "worked" before didn't it? It's such a dangerous cycle, and I don't care what claims any OTC supplement makes - IT RUINS YOUR SYSTEM.

If I were to carry you around everyday so you never walked, what would happen to yours legs? Would they become less efficient or weak? Probably, after a while...

What do you think happens when you try to artificially stimulate your metabolism everyday or replace a body function with a supplement with no reputable or peer-reviewed studies to back it? Not only are you jumping in blindly to something that may or may not be safe, but you are weakening your body by creating dependency. Again, the diet industry counts on that, because they want you to fail which is inevitable for many if they stop taking their supplements. So... you move on to the next big thing... and the next... and the next...

Billion Dollar Industry, did I mention that?

So, as I sit here with a baby in my belly I recall my mother... Always trying new diets, new supplements, the next big thing, the next workout.... Not wanting to wear sleeveless shirt or anything too tight. I think she always felt like something was wrong with the way she looked (even though I never thought that at all). I always felt the same about myself. I didn't wear sleeveless shirts until I was in my 20's, I still don't wear shorts, I have stretch marks from puberty that I don't want showing and that I'm embarrassed about, and between the bullying and own lack of self worth - I've always struggled with my weight. Even when I would workout and be on the right track, I would get down and discouraged while concentrating on the scale. The horrible scale! One top of that, every time I would do well, I feel like there was always this lingering pressure to supplement with that next big thing. Thrive, Herbalife, Shakeology, Beach Body, Plexus, Advocare, Juice Plus, Nerium, and all the other things that seem to be everywhere.... It's in our face all the time!! I've always felt like these products make life harder, because they sell us on made up or invisible goals.

We need to teach out kids that they're beautiful and watch what we say about ourselves in front of them. We need to tell them that they don't need this stuff, and teach them the healthy way to lose weight. I mean, seriously... At least street drugs aren't labeled, advertised, and sold by our peers as healthy supplements when in some cases they are just as dangerous.

Remember, when Ephedra was an OTC dietary supplement?
The answer to everything!
Safe and effective...?
Yeah, me too...

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Why Breastfeeding Forums are the Worst


Disclaimer: I'm really angry at the way some of these struggling moms are treated by others, so this blog is full of strong, and maybe some hard opinions. You've been warned. I'm also pregnant, so I can always blame hormones LOL!

A friend of mine added me to a page called Milky Mommies on Facebook a while back by my request. I wanted to see what kind of support they offered, and after seeing just what kind of stuff was  said to struggling moms, I decided to leave the group. A few days later, my friend re-added me (likely thought she had forgot to add me in the first place). This time, I un-followed the page, but it seems to still be popping up on my Facebook, and I still get curious and read replies.
One mother today was posting about how her supply had stopped. She is using a hospital grade pump, and cannot put the baby on her breast, because the baby has a cleft lip. Most of the replies were telling her to put the baby to her breast to feed (ignoring the fact that it's not possible for her). They advocated for her to see a lactation consultant, but her pediatrician already expressed the need for her to supplement the baby's diet with formula - once that was said, things got ugly as if she was being a bad mother or a failure for supplementing. There was no sympathy, and they considered all of her problems to be subjective or silly. Someone suggested some kind of special cookies or mother's milk tea, and the poster said something about them being hard to swallow/keep down. Someone literally replied, "who cares how you feel, choke them down!!" That's not being supportive, that's being militant and uncaring.
Another mom today posted this:
"I've posted numerous times on here about how my daughter and I couldn't figure out BF. We finally did, and I swear to you, she doesn't like it. She gets the hiccups every time, pukes every time, and cries EVERY TIME. It will get to the point after a three hour session that I'll supplement a formula bottle and she instantly smiles and falls asleep. She's been on formula for three days (she's only a week old) and has had zero problems with it. I just tried to relatch thinking that bm is what's best, but my baby is just miserable."
Most suggested a lactation consultant, only one person suggested a doctor. In the comments the poster mentioned that the baby had lost a lot of weight, but no one cared. Obviously the baby has an allergy, and life seems much easier with formula in this case - what's wrong with supporting the mother AND the baby. Formula is perfectly healthy, there is ZERO proof that there is ANY benefit of formula over breastfeeding in developed countries. Zero. I looked. There are no PEER REVIEWED studies stating otherwise, but plenty stating that there is no difference. This is the whole anti-vaxx movement all over again. People are online stating unproven theories as facts, and others believe it. It's so damaging.
With saying that, I support a mother's choice to feed her baby. This same group has women telling other's that instead of "fed is best", they were chanting "fed is minimum". I said, out loud to my computer screen, "go fuck yourself with that noise".
Fed IS best. If your child is throwing up, miserable, and sick every time you feed them, FEED THEM A DIFFERENT WAY THAT MAKES THEM HAPPY!! Feed them in a way that supports your family. Feed them in a way that supports your mental stability. Don't make yourself MISERABLE, because some crunchy mom tells you that you're otherwise less-than, because you could not or chose not to breastfeed, because that's not the case. If your a mom doing what's best for your family, your baby, and yourself... Well, then you're doing a great job. It's no one else's business how your child is fed, as long as that child is happy and healthy.
Don't let others attack you when you're doing what's best for your child. They don't know your life, and if they believe your struggles are subjective then they should not be involved in helping you with them. As an expecting mom I'm glad to see how nasty others can be, so I can avoid these types of forums. They have bi-laws that forbid certain types of advice, which goes against most of what I believe anyhow - They forbid you from suggesting formula or brands of formula, even though that may be what is BEST in some cases. That's ridiculous and selfish.
Yes, I said it. It's selfish to put a baby through misery, because you are trying to achieve a specific goal that you've decided is more important than simply giving in to a perfectly healthy alternative. There is no reason to suffer or make your child suffer, but I can't blame these mom's... When it's been drilled into your brain that not breastfeeding = failure, then it's tough to give in.
Last word of advice...
Do your own research.
Do what's best for your family.
Note: I'm not judging my friend. She wants to support my breast feeding efforts in a loving way. She cannot help how others react to things, and I don't know that she really realizing how off-putting this page is for new moms. She's a mom of two, and a BIG advocate on breastfeeding, so she's likely used to it by now. I'm however not...

Update Time

I haven't posted in a while....
I apologize...

There's been a lot of stuff going on!
First... I should mention...
This was our Facebook announcement lol!
I'm due December 22nd, so I'll likely be in the hospital with a new baby on Christmas. I hope it comes a little early though, maybe a couple of weeks earlier... It would be so much fun to enjoy Christmas with the new baby. We should know what it is by August I think - everyone is wanting a girl, so it'll probably be a boy... We have names for both ;)
My parents are EXTREMELY excited lol!
Oh! I also wrecked my car - that's not very good news.
Someone hit it almost head on, but made minimal damage.
It's in the shop, and I have a rental..
No one was hurt.
We're finally going to get Richard a new car within the next two months I think. The dealership said they'd give us "something" for what he's driving now, and we'll use that for a down payment. He wants a Ford Focus hatchback. We drove one Monday, and yes... they're nice!
The house is coming along okay. I've been dealing with pregnancy symptoms, so it's been a tough go to get anything around the house done. We have to paint the baby's room soon. I'm going with lavender for a girl, and light green for a boy I think. Right now, the room is DARK brown from the previous owner - it's awful!! It's going to take FOREVER to paint over it with a lighter color.
So, that's life right now...
Everything is exciting...
Of course we're still going charity events with Chattooine, going to Chattanooga FC games, and enjoying all the other things we normally do. We have some concerts coming up we're excited to attend, and I randomly earned 13 pairs of free Ticketmaster concert tickets - that's exciting!
All and all, life is good.