Thursday, June 23, 2016

Why Breastfeeding Forums are the Worst


Disclaimer: I'm really angry at the way some of these struggling moms are treated by others, so this blog is full of strong, and maybe some hard opinions. You've been warned. I'm also pregnant, so I can always blame hormones LOL!

A friend of mine added me to a page called Milky Mommies on Facebook a while back by my request. I wanted to see what kind of support they offered, and after seeing just what kind of stuff was  said to struggling moms, I decided to leave the group. A few days later, my friend re-added me (likely thought she had forgot to add me in the first place). This time, I un-followed the page, but it seems to still be popping up on my Facebook, and I still get curious and read replies.
One mother today was posting about how her supply had stopped. She is using a hospital grade pump, and cannot put the baby on her breast, because the baby has a cleft lip. Most of the replies were telling her to put the baby to her breast to feed (ignoring the fact that it's not possible for her). They advocated for her to see a lactation consultant, but her pediatrician already expressed the need for her to supplement the baby's diet with formula - once that was said, things got ugly as if she was being a bad mother or a failure for supplementing. There was no sympathy, and they considered all of her problems to be subjective or silly. Someone suggested some kind of special cookies or mother's milk tea, and the poster said something about them being hard to swallow/keep down. Someone literally replied, "who cares how you feel, choke them down!!" That's not being supportive, that's being militant and uncaring.
Another mom today posted this:
"I've posted numerous times on here about how my daughter and I couldn't figure out BF. We finally did, and I swear to you, she doesn't like it. She gets the hiccups every time, pukes every time, and cries EVERY TIME. It will get to the point after a three hour session that I'll supplement a formula bottle and she instantly smiles and falls asleep. She's been on formula for three days (she's only a week old) and has had zero problems with it. I just tried to relatch thinking that bm is what's best, but my baby is just miserable."
Most suggested a lactation consultant, only one person suggested a doctor. In the comments the poster mentioned that the baby had lost a lot of weight, but no one cared. Obviously the baby has an allergy, and life seems much easier with formula in this case - what's wrong with supporting the mother AND the baby. Formula is perfectly healthy, there is ZERO proof that there is ANY benefit of formula over breastfeeding in developed countries. Zero. I looked. There are no PEER REVIEWED studies stating otherwise, but plenty stating that there is no difference. This is the whole anti-vaxx movement all over again. People are online stating unproven theories as facts, and others believe it. It's so damaging.
With saying that, I support a mother's choice to feed her baby. This same group has women telling other's that instead of "fed is best", they were chanting "fed is minimum". I said, out loud to my computer screen, "go fuck yourself with that noise".
Fed IS best. If your child is throwing up, miserable, and sick every time you feed them, FEED THEM A DIFFERENT WAY THAT MAKES THEM HAPPY!! Feed them in a way that supports your family. Feed them in a way that supports your mental stability. Don't make yourself MISERABLE, because some crunchy mom tells you that you're otherwise less-than, because you could not or chose not to breastfeed, because that's not the case. If your a mom doing what's best for your family, your baby, and yourself... Well, then you're doing a great job. It's no one else's business how your child is fed, as long as that child is happy and healthy.
Don't let others attack you when you're doing what's best for your child. They don't know your life, and if they believe your struggles are subjective then they should not be involved in helping you with them. As an expecting mom I'm glad to see how nasty others can be, so I can avoid these types of forums. They have bi-laws that forbid certain types of advice, which goes against most of what I believe anyhow - They forbid you from suggesting formula or brands of formula, even though that may be what is BEST in some cases. That's ridiculous and selfish.
Yes, I said it. It's selfish to put a baby through misery, because you are trying to achieve a specific goal that you've decided is more important than simply giving in to a perfectly healthy alternative. There is no reason to suffer or make your child suffer, but I can't blame these mom's... When it's been drilled into your brain that not breastfeeding = failure, then it's tough to give in.
Last word of advice...
Do your own research.
Do what's best for your family.
Note: I'm not judging my friend. She wants to support my breast feeding efforts in a loving way. She cannot help how others react to things, and I don't know that she really realizing how off-putting this page is for new moms. She's a mom of two, and a BIG advocate on breastfeeding, so she's likely used to it by now. I'm however not...

Update Time

I haven't posted in a while....
I apologize...

There's been a lot of stuff going on!
First... I should mention...
This was our Facebook announcement lol!
I'm due December 22nd, so I'll likely be in the hospital with a new baby on Christmas. I hope it comes a little early though, maybe a couple of weeks earlier... It would be so much fun to enjoy Christmas with the new baby. We should know what it is by August I think - everyone is wanting a girl, so it'll probably be a boy... We have names for both ;)
My parents are EXTREMELY excited lol!
Oh! I also wrecked my car - that's not very good news.
Someone hit it almost head on, but made minimal damage.
It's in the shop, and I have a rental..
No one was hurt.
We're finally going to get Richard a new car within the next two months I think. The dealership said they'd give us "something" for what he's driving now, and we'll use that for a down payment. He wants a Ford Focus hatchback. We drove one Monday, and yes... they're nice!
The house is coming along okay. I've been dealing with pregnancy symptoms, so it's been a tough go to get anything around the house done. We have to paint the baby's room soon. I'm going with lavender for a girl, and light green for a boy I think. Right now, the room is DARK brown from the previous owner - it's awful!! It's going to take FOREVER to paint over it with a lighter color.
So, that's life right now...
Everything is exciting...
Of course we're still going charity events with Chattooine, going to Chattanooga FC games, and enjoying all the other things we normally do. We have some concerts coming up we're excited to attend, and I randomly earned 13 pairs of free Ticketmaster concert tickets - that's exciting!
All and all, life is good.

Friday, April 29, 2016

5 Annoying Things Parents Say to People Who Don't Have Kids (Link at bottom)

"I'm just saying that, even as a seasoned veteran in the parenting department, we need to be a little more considerate of people who haven't gotten there yet. Otherwise they're eventually going to snap and punch our crotches until we can't have any more."
He mentioned that these are exaggerations, but I disagree when it comes to my experience. A lot of the folks I know with kids act as though having simple ideas of how you would like to raise your future children is ridiculou...s! Well, its not. Even if things never go according to plan, at least you care enough to make one. At least you go in with the best intensions, which is more than i can say for a lot of people out there. We all know it's hard, and why wouldn't we?! Everytime the subject comes up, someone is right there to tell us how awful it's going to be and I refuse to go into that chapter of life with dread when the time comes. I know everyone just wants to share they're battle wounds and hard fought wars when it comes to their lives, but you have to remember too...
A lot of people out there who are looking forward to having children mean well. They may be talking about certain choices on how to raise said kid, the hopes, and how to be throughout the whole experience to give the best effort to accomplish the goals they are wanting to achieve... They may even disagree with you, and that's okay. Look, unless someone says to you that, "when I have a kid, I'm just going to leave it in a crib with a loaded gun for protection and plastic sheets for easy clean up while I go party..." I'm sure whatever childless person means well, and in my own experienced... they've discussed these plans with someone who will be on their side, who will help, and who will be a unified force when trying to accomplish whatever it is their shooting for in length. Most of us aren't pullng things out of our ass just to annoy you. Most of us are just looking forward to that chapter, and have teamed up in hopes that we provide the best life for our future children. That's all. We're not trying to tell you how to live your life or telling you that you're wrong... Most of us just make the mistake that you may think our opinion matters when it comes to every day subjects about kids, and they don't.

Monday, April 18, 2016

The Whole 30: It Will Be Worth It.

This is a blog written to myself about the Whole 30. When I get discouraged after I start my journey on May 1st, I can look back and remember that it's worth it and my excuses are not valid.
Excuse 1#: I'm going to say it's too expensive, and it's really not. I spent $129 in groceries for two weeks, and it won't last that long more than likely. Grilled meat and grilled veggies cost no more than baked meat and mashed potatoes. I just spend $8 on lunch at Wendy's when I could have bought some oranges ($5 for 10), Guacamole cups (6 for $4), Carrots (a big bag for $3), apples (10 for $5) and it would have lasted me 6 days (that's $2.84 a day for lunch instead of $8). For breakfast, I can always boil eggs and have some guacamole if I'm hungry - that's $3 for 12 eggs, and $4 for 6 guacamole cups. Again, that's only $1.17 a day for 6 days of breakfast. Dinner gets pricey, but not if I don't let it. A sack of sweet potatoes $5, 5 for $20 meats at Food City or Save-a-Lot, some frozen veggies are cheap, and various natural cooking oil - not a big deal. It would be under $50 a week, so that's about the same as I just spent in groceries alone, without eating out for lunch or breakfast. Overall, I would save money and I like saving money.
Excuse #2: Eating out. Put the bread basket down and look for simple dishes with the least ingredients. Steak and broccoli, chicken and asparagus, a salad with no croutons, cheese, or dressing (I'll bring my own.) Plan ahead, and don't worry about asking for exactly what you want.
Excuse #3: The weight isn't coming off fast enough. IT WILL. Look at your friend that did it! She didn't lose weight for the first 2 months and then BOOM! 50 lbs just fell off. That's incredible! Get through the first 30 and turn it into 90 and beyond!

Friday, April 15, 2016

Self-Care Friday #2

Do not project your own self-loathing and insecurities on others. Happiness is a state of mind. Don’t assume that simply because you are unhappy with an aspect of yourself, that others you see as similar share the same feelings. Pulling someone down by trying to use what you feel is a shared flaw is no way to get someone on your side, but it is a great way to crush them with your own feelings of inadequacy. It’s okay to seek open ears, get advice, and get those feelings of ...negativity off your chest – we all have them! What’s not okay is using the criticism you’ve created against yourself against others you perceive as the same. We’re not all the same. We’re not all unhappy with ourselves or certain aspects of our lives, but most of us are ready and willing you help if someone else is. Share a journey, not a road block. Enjoy praise and positive reinforcement. Refocus your energy on how to live fully and evolve. Not only do you deserve to be happy, but just like your negativity – it’s contagious.

This week self care looked like seeing a movie with my best friend. Taking a long nap. Working out with another friend. Asking for help with everyday chores. Asking for time off to make it to a doctor's appointment instead of stressing over how to work around or skip it.
Self care looked like shutting out those who feel insecure about their bodies, because they were projecting those feelings onto me. Don't assume just because you feel like you're fat or unattractive in certain clothing, that others your size feel the same way. It's insulting, because I certainly do not feel the same way and I don't see this person in the same negative light she sees herself. 

Friday, April 8, 2016

Self-Care Friday, #1

This is going to be a thing. Every week I'll post something about self-care as inspired by Wentworth Miller and his journey away from depression.
I have my own journey...
Many really...
Unfortunately, self care is not one of them.
I don't take care of my..
mentally, physically, emotionally.
When things fall on me, I let them.
When I get overwhelmed, I don't seek help.
When I'm anxious, I shut down.
It's a cycle, a bad one, and it should stop.
What did self care look like for me this week?
After a lot of work with the new house, I allowed myself to take a break. I did let some other stresses take hold, and became very overwhelmed on Wednesday when an old bill popped. This was a bill that was supposed to be taken care of my a family member, and wasn't. Since it was under Richard's name, we were responsible. This caused us to have less money than needed to pay the apartment what we owed them (I hate giving them money now that we have a house to care for, but our lease isn't up until April 30th). I scrambled to find money, and was able to solve the issue yesterday. After all of that, my self-care looked like napping. A nice long nap after work, 2 1/2 hours. I bought the dogs inside, and they got on the bed with me and we all took a nap. I work up feeling much better. I felt refreshed. I thought about going for a walk, but it started to rain so I stayed in.
The week before, self-care looked like eliminating products of judgment. I discontinued a few things that had been sold to me by a friend that was supposed to result in weight loss. I determined that these kinds of things were the direct result of now valuing myself and hating my body. I can't allow someone to assume I am unhappy with my body, because they, who may be the same size or similar, feels that way. Self-care that week sounded like saying no. Saying no to what I thought were obligations, but could not pack them into an already busy, anxiety filled schedule.

Next week I hope self-care will look like filling my body with nutrients and taking long walks around the neighborhood. These are my goals <3

Getting Bored

Before I start, I would like to mention that the move went well. We got 90% of our stuff moved out of the apartment, and we'll have about 3 weeks to get the rest and clean up. I'll post pics once things are more finished and settled. We have appliances coming Saturday and a couch coming Tuesday - those things are going to make life much easier around our home.
So to the point of this blog - I'm getting bored with Facebook.
It's the same old stuff every day, and not I'm having to dodge folks who have started selling through pyramids like the plague. I've mentioned my Plexus friends recently, and as much as I thought I wanted to try the one product, I bought it and accidentally threw it away with my recycling. I promise, it was pure accident, but I also took it as a sign that maybe I shouldn't take any of it. I'm not on any medication, so remembering to take those things everyday is tough. I'll just have to lose weight the old fashion way. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.
These folks selling stuff...
Since when is it okay to approach someone about their issues; what are you trying to say? If you weren't selling something, would you harass them about taking a weight loss product? Would you send them messages about acne cream? Would you talk about their regularity for no reason, unprovoked? Probably not... why? Because it's rude. I don't care what you're selling, don't approach someone and point out their insecurities just because you wanna make a quick buck. I have a few friends now selling Plexus, one selling Rodan + Fields, a couple selling Advocare, a couple selling Pure Romance (That one is okay, they don't bother anyone), I recently deleted one selling Shakeology (and blocked, because she STILL kept sending me stuff), and a few others just selling random stuff I've not heard of or aren't associated with these other schemey type of businesses. Three quarters of these people have the delusion that their not in a pyramid scheme, and that they've found the answer to their finances, but if it was that easy no one would work and we would sit at home all day on Facebook selling our products. I'm sure there are some people (very few) that make a living off these products, but most of the population finds it to be a simply source to make a few extra dollars while the corporation makes billions off their sales, recruiting, and their joining fees. Heck, I would sale it myself, but sometimes these sales tactics are so dirty, uninformed, and crazy that I could not allow myself to be on that level - unless I can truly tell you the truth about a product (the good and the bad), then I don't wanna sell it.

Some of the companies do not allow you to say anything negative about their product, or they'll fire you. Some you can't even say, "well I didn't benefit in this way, but I personally benefited in this other way", because that means your saying that the products aren't doing what they're advertised to do. This is why you see folks who sell these things offer to private message or email the consumer, plus this was they can skew their numbers without their friends and family seeing. I'm just making assumptions here and I'm getting off topic.

If you're selling something, please find a way to approach people that isn't harassing or degrading, even if it's your close friend find a way to build them up in lieu of breaking them down to get them to try a new product. You'll lose friendships, and most people are hard enough of themselves already.